Danger! Expectations
Expectations – kids live up to them
Image from http://www.mspmentor.net/2010/05/13/setting-expectations-time-for-msps-to-get-back-to-basics/
There are 2 types of expectation that I am concerned with – long term and short term. The basic principle remains true – set expectations for your children and they will aim to live up to them.
“It is better to aim at perfection and miss, than to aim at imperfection and hit it”
Thomas J. Watson
This is true for our own lives and there are many other quotes like this but it is also true of what we expect for our children. In fact even more so, children generally live up to expectations – so best not set them too low.
When it comes to the long term expectations there are two components that we must remember. Setting the expectation is only one of them. We must do what we can to help them realise it. The danger with long term expectations is that we project on to out children what we want them to become. I am not talking about career choice or anything quite that specific. For example, I expect my children to get the best education they can. To that end I will encourage them with their school work and help them to make good decisions along the way. Now, my children are very young so at this stage I help them to get a grasp on the basics of numeracy and literacy.
The short term expectations are slightly different, these generally refer to behaviour and attitude to others in a given context – certainly with young children, please post your thoughts if you have older children. I have noticed that when I worry about my children's behaviour I start to expect the worst and generally that is what I get. I've also noticed that when I am relaxed and confident that they will be brilliant then they generally are.
Having seen this in operation I openly share my expectations with my children. I will say things like “I know you are going to be a super star today” or “You're going to do really well, I can't wait to hear about it.”. These encouragements before the event make the child feel happy and let them know what is expected and more often than not they live up to the expectation.
It was seeing this short term principle at work that led me to think about the longer term.
So as you think about your children's future consider the expectations you set – set them high and then help as much as you can so that they get there.
“If you aim at the sun they might hit the stars.”
adapted from Phineas Taylor Barnum
