Know the map!
With the Ashes coming up people all over the world will be looking for some boundaries but I'm not concerned with 4's and 6' tonight. I'm talking about making sure I children know where the line is; the metaphorical line needs to be more real. Just as countries have very real boundaries that should not be broken so should children. Children and parents need to know the map.
As we mentioned before children need to discipline. But for discipline to be effective children need to know what the rules are. For discipline to be effective parents need to know what the rules are. Discipline doesn't have the correct effect if it is purely reactionary.
In our family there are rules for behaviour, things that our children know are wrong. There is also a process for discipline so that we don't simply react to a situation. As an example of this my children know that drawing on the walls (or furniture or anything other than the paper) will result in them having their painting and drawing things taken away for a week. This is a clear boundary, it was clearly communicated and it is clearly understood. We mentioned previously the importance of following through on stated actions and this is vital here. The boundary must clearly set and then it must be clearly enforced. Children need this and appreciate it.
I used to help run a youth group (11 – 14yr old) and we had boundaries that were clearly communicated. There was one young lad who pushed the boundaries to see if we would enforce them as we said we would. We did; the relevant punishment was given – he was taken out of the group for a while – after the youth group finished he thanked me for following up on my word. To him it let him know that I was good to my word, that there were no empty threats.
The tip for us as parents is to make sure that the children know the boundaries and what will happen if they are broken but also that we as parents know the boundaries and are prepared to follow up when they are broken.
Next week we will be following this up with how to help the child stay in the boundaries – accentuate the positive to eliminate the negative. Until them have a read of this article – it challenged me.
